Family

This past weekend we took Slade to the beach for the second time in his whole little life! Crystal Beach, to be exact.

This was Slade a year ago at the beach! (My how time flies and how fast kids grow!)

Although this time around was slightly different, it was still everything to see Slade so happy and full of joy. He loved every minute he had with his cousins and most of all, being by the water. ALL. DAY.

While out there, a friend told me: “The thing I love about beaches; it’s like you are standing on the edge of the world. A place where you can exhale.”

-GL

And I did, just that.

I’d stare out into this endless body of water and think. Think about what means most to me right now. And that was…

Family.

No matter what, it always comes down to family. That’s who you go home to at the end of the day; your family. When no one else is there for you, your family is. Your family will always tell you like it is, even if it’s not what you want to hear. Family keeps you grounded when you feel like you’ve lost it all. Your family is whom you trust most. Your family gives you guidance in all aspects of life.

Here’s a reminder:

My Aunts from Tennessee sent Slade a “happy gram”, if you will, and it literally brought me to tears. Just for the simple fact that, yes, I miss them tremendously, but it made this theory I have in my mind about family, real.

I took it as some sort of a sign. And to be honest, I wouldn’t want a sign from anyone other than family right now.

This “happy gram” also brings to me an infamous quote: “It’s the little things that mean the most.” That right there is so true on so many levels. BUT, that is a whole other blog. Let me stop with just that.

Continue on, Becca…

Anyway, it doesn’t matter if it is immediate family, family through marriage, family through children or family through friendship – it’s what means the most.

Regardless of what title of family they are – they surround us at all times.

With that said, I love you, my family.

XO, B

 

 

 

 

 

 

Crystal Beach 2014

Thank You

This song has been on repeat the past weeks. It’s crazy how music can match your situation to the T.

It is slight elucidation that I am not on my own.

Someone has been here before, too.

Thank You by Estelle

Sometimes I wonder do you
Even recognize the woman
That's standing in front of you

Listen, sometimes I wonder do you
Even care or realize why I took care of you
'Cuz you're my heart
You are my soul
You're my other half
Without you I cannot be whole, baby
So far apart
I just don't know
What drove us apart in the first place
Now I know baby
Why

These tears I cry sure won't be the last
They will not be the last… no
'Cuz this pain inside, never seems to pass
It never seems to pass me by

So I thank you
Said I thank you
Yes I thank you
For making me a woman

Sometimes I wonder could she be
More of a woman to you than you were a man to me
Listen, sometime I wonder… why me
I'm here miserable while you're out living your fantasies
And didn't care

'Cuz you're my heart
You are my soul
You're my other half
Without you I cannot be whole baby
So far apart
I just don't know
What drove us apart in the first place
Now I know baby
Why

These tears I cry sure won't be the last
They will not be the last… no
Cuz' this pain inside which never seems to pass
It never seems to pass me by

So I thank you
Said I thank you
Yes I thank you
For making me a woman

One thing I learned in life
We gotta be ready to sacrifice to survive
I hope she's happy
For the chapter that I'll be closing
Hope you're happy
'Cuz once my door close it won't reopen

These tears I cry sure won't be the last
They will not be the last… no
This pain inside which never seems to pass
It never seems to pass me by

So I thank you

Said I thank you

Yes I thank you

For making me a woman

XO, B

Severity

As I sit in my cubicle this Thursday morning on July 10^th, one word is stuck in mind; and that is, severity.

severity

se·ver·i·ty

  [suh-ver-i-tee]

noun, plural se·ver·i·ties.

1. Harshness, sternness, or rigor: Their lives were marked by severity.

2. Austere simplicity, as of style, manner, or taste: The severity of the decor was striking.

3. Intensity or sharpness, as of cold or pain.

4. Grievousness; hard or trying character or effect: The severity of his loss was finally becoming apparent.

5. Rigid exactness or accuracy.

We all look at certain things with high importance. Let me rephrase, there are things in life that we should look at with high importance. The definition reads, “Rigid exactness or accuracy”. That one description sticks out like a sore thumb.

Where there is severity, there are choices. Every choice made, whether it be big or small, has a specific significance to you. When the choice is made to put that “important” something to the side – that’s when you reap the outcome.

Being accurate about a choice is key. A decision, even. Stay focused on what means most. Losing sight of that is normal, but to an extent. Remember why this is so important to you.

Like I said, we SHOULD all look at things with high magnitude if it is on some sort of pedestal in your life.

But, that doesn’t mean we all do.

At the end of the day, after you made the choice to have your side instead of the main course, you’ll see the severity of that pick.

Choose wisely.

XO, B

Back to school

As if I don’t have a hundred things on my mind, there is one thing that is coming and we cannot stop it. School.

I was accepted into the Medical Coding program at Austin Community College at the beginning of this month. I’ve been taking prerequisite courses and courses that didn’t require you to be accepted in the program in the meantime. With all that has been going on – being accepted was a huge surprise. A great surprise! It gave me hope that there is still good coming my way. Most of all, I felt accomplished and I am that much closer to finishing school.

As for Slade; my baby will start Kindergarten THIS August (hold on while I sob). I cannot believe we are at this point in his life. Just like every mother says, where does the time go? It feel like just yesterday he was three years old. Or even two years old. He’s going to be a Kindergartner and six years old this year (hold on, I’m sobbing once more)!

A fellow Mommy/friend of mine have already arranged a breakfast date after we drop the babies off in the morning. We are calling it, “Coffee and Cries”. A bit dramatic? I think not. These are our BABIES we don’t want to grow up.

With that said - Slade and I have some huge responsibilities headed our way. I am not one bit worried, but I am scared. School for kids isn't what it used to be when I was in Kindergarten. I’m sure everyone can agree on that. But I will be a Positive Polly and hope all will be just fine.

I think it’s funny we will be in school at the same time. I have a new homework buddy, that’s what I’m most excited about. And to see him grow, learn and be independent. I am so blessed to have such a sweet, smart baby boy. Just had to throw that in there. Ha.

Here’s to homework, school clothes and never missing a day of class!

XO, B

Retaliation & Egos

Two VERY powerful things to possess.

I tweeted this a while back and I find myself going back as to why I felt the need to say this or what made me feel this way.

I have an ego. You do, too. We all want to retaliate when pushed to that limit.

If we stop using our egos to determine how to retaliate, the situation's outcome would be drastically transformed. Transformed in a way that is not based off of anger or bottled up emotions.

Beg to differ?

Utilize your ego to do right and make you feel respectable of yourself. Don't let retaliation become an outcome or the end result. Use your ego to do good, instead of letting it rule your unconfident mind or insecurities you may have.

Retaliation can truly be the root of all evil. Ask yourself—Why should I retaliate? Is it worth it?

I read an article that sparked this post. I cannot agree more with these words. It is true beyond all measures.

I leave it with this:

"Between suspiciousness and viciousness" shifting to viciousness if I try to seek relief from it, offering me then "the illusion of attack as a 'solution'". So if my ego offers me the "illusion of attack," then I am off the hook. I've not really chosen the attack and I'm not responsible for it -- my ego did it to me. But I don't really believe this at all. I think the decision making part of my mind is choosing attack to protect my ego identification -- my special, separate identity -- and that things are going to get a whole lot worse if I continue to go against it. At these times there is no way that I can look at my ego and simply smile at it. I just have to back off.

XO, B

Mindfull

If you know me, you know I am a ginormous over-thinker. Whether it be about what to buy at HEB to a situation that means the world to me. I. Think. Too. Much. Period.

Lately my mind has been consumed by so much, I feel like I lose reality at times.

It has its ups and downs. Here’s why…

Downs:
-I make myself believe what I have embedded in my head.
-I over-analyze the situation.
-I create an outcome for something I don’t even know is true because, well, I’m thinking too much.
-I want to know right away that I am right or wrong.

Ups:
-9 times out of 10, I am right. My intuition is off the charts. Try me.
-I end up planning ahead because I can’t get it out of my mind.
-I never forget what I have in my thoughts and I will inform you on them.

And I am not talking about continuous negative thinking. I am talking about everything. Am I solo on this?! Please say I am not.

There are times I literally want to go outside and scream because my mind won't stop. But at the end of the day—the things on my mind mean something to me. They are important. Important enough to drive me crazy.

Like Drake said, "Don't think about it too much".

Trust me, I'm trying not to, Aubrey.

XO, B

A new reality...

It is no secret I have become a different me. This past year has passed me by so fast. So fast that numerous changes have occurred. I didn’t think I was equipped to even manage this amount of emotions I was feeling all at once, but I did. These emotions stemmed from these drastic changes…

I begin, with Love.

Love is something so special to me. It always has been. But there comes a time when that is tested. Sometimes for the better and sometimes, for the worst. In this case, it was for the worst. No relationship is rose pedals and rainbows and I never expected it to be. But when this vision you’ve created in your mind slowly falls to pieces right in front of your very eyes, it does something to you.

I began to question love. How could we get here if this thing we have is SO real? Isn’t love the ultimate emotion you can feel for someone? Doesn’t love fix all of that? I mean, love is the Big Bambino in my eyes so this was HUGE!!

After massive amounts of talks with my best friends, nights crying, anxiety attacks where I thought I was literally on my death bed, I came to a conclusion – you can love someone and still not be the happiest people on Earth. You can still love someone from a distance. You can still love someone for all of their faults. You can still love someone no matter what.

And I was okay with that. Finally.

Going through this change, if you will; changed me. I know everyone hates that word, but it is possible. I found a new me. I became stronger and much more independent. I was shocked. Still am, hell. Because change is scary. And not everyone accepts change as you’d hope for. You get flack for bettering yourself or “changing” who you are and it’s not what they are used to. They are scared you are going to change and forget them or forget the ways they know and are adapted to. That then leads to fear – fear that you will never be you again.

But that is where this new beginning takes place. Where you can create a new routine, continue to laugh uncontrollably, love unconditionally (no matter what), and just be you. That is all I can do and all I will continue to do; just be me.

I have this precious baby boy who needs to see me at my best, every single day. If change is going to inspire that outcome, then so be it. Because I will never get yesterday back, I will never get Slade at 5 years old again and I cannot change the past, even if I tried.

I’ve learned to accept that what is now, is all it’s ever going to be. So I will take this leap with an open heart, newly opened eyes and open arms.

I love me and you now, and no matter what.

XO, B