To: Shaunda

 Have you ever woken up truly grateful for someone? Well, that was me this morning. I’m not sure as to why I thought this, but I thought I’d share it with you.

This person I am truly grateful for is one of my best friends. Her name is Shaunda Hill.

We met through mutual friends, years ago. We grew closer and now she is like my sister I’ve never had. She comes to family functions, like hardcore functions. Such as Thanksgiving. So yes, she is my sister.

I guess the reason I am thankful for her most is because she has never hesitated when it has come to our friendship. I can literally count on her for ANYTHING at ANY TIME. And THAT, is hard to find.

Loyalty.

Where I am now, she once was. And I was there to help her out of the dark place she was in. And I can only be so thankful she is there for me during all of this. She tells me like it is and sends massive amounts of encouraging words. She even lets me hug her with my legs wrapped around her. That’s love.

Here’s one paragraph she sent me that sticks in my mind:

“That never stopped your priorities, never. Mother first and foremost as always, as expected. I know you need time, I know you can't stop thinking, or crying or hurting. But I am telling you, you are better than this place you are in. Do not feel this way, I won’t allow you to feel this way. Because you wouldn't allow me too either. I will be here no matter what. Don’t cry, I got you. I’m a phone call away, a text away.

I couldn’t sleep either, thinking of you.”

-SH

That doesn’t even begin to sum up what a true, genuine person she is. We’ve laughed, cried, argued, danced {our asses off}, laughed some more. You name it, we've encountered it together.

I don’t know if and when you will see this, Shaun, but please know I am so thankful God sent me a friend like you. I would be lost if I didn't have you. You truly are such a special friend to me. I hope that you know that and never forget it. I love you.

You may not know this, but I have hope because I see you. Now. You're strong, you let your hurt motivate you and you are more beautiful than ever. Don't ever lose the sight you have because it's leading you to greatness. I know so.

One more thing; thank you.

XO, B

Departed

This weekend I took a pretty big step – it was, what is the word? Tough? Hard? Difficult? Not easy?

Maybe it was a mixture of all of those things, but you know what, I am still here.

Never in a million years would I think seeing an empty room would affect me the way that it did. Only because emptiness reminds me of not being complete or not having it all. And that is not me.

You put your heart and soul in creating this place where you feel whole. Where you feel safe. And to leave that is the hardest thing in the world.

Anyway, not much more to say about that.

Except I’ll leave you with my exact thoughts when taking down that last box; always fight for what you love. No matter what it is. Because you never know and you don’t want to look back and say, I wish I would have fought harder.

Nothing worse than regret.

What I will miss most, the view. You can get lost in those sunsets in the country.

XO, B

Family

This past weekend we took Slade to the beach for the second time in his whole little life! Crystal Beach, to be exact.

This was Slade a year ago at the beach! (My how time flies and how fast kids grow!)

Although this time around was slightly different, it was still everything to see Slade so happy and full of joy. He loved every minute he had with his cousins and most of all, being by the water. ALL. DAY.

While out there, a friend told me: “The thing I love about beaches; it’s like you are standing on the edge of the world. A place where you can exhale.”

-GL

And I did, just that.

I’d stare out into this endless body of water and think. Think about what means most to me right now. And that was…

Family.

No matter what, it always comes down to family. That’s who you go home to at the end of the day; your family. When no one else is there for you, your family is. Your family will always tell you like it is, even if it’s not what you want to hear. Family keeps you grounded when you feel like you’ve lost it all. Your family is whom you trust most. Your family gives you guidance in all aspects of life.

Here’s a reminder:

My Aunts from Tennessee sent Slade a “happy gram”, if you will, and it literally brought me to tears. Just for the simple fact that, yes, I miss them tremendously, but it made this theory I have in my mind about family, real.

I took it as some sort of a sign. And to be honest, I wouldn’t want a sign from anyone other than family right now.

This “happy gram” also brings to me an infamous quote: “It’s the little things that mean the most.” That right there is so true on so many levels. BUT, that is a whole other blog. Let me stop with just that.

Continue on, Becca…

Anyway, it doesn’t matter if it is immediate family, family through marriage, family through children or family through friendship – it’s what means the most.

Regardless of what title of family they are – they surround us at all times.

With that said, I love you, my family.

XO, B

 

 

 

 

 

 

Crystal Beach 2014

Thank You

This song has been on repeat the past weeks. It’s crazy how music can match your situation to the T.

It is slight elucidation that I am not on my own.

Someone has been here before, too.

Thank You by Estelle

Sometimes I wonder do you
Even recognize the woman
That's standing in front of you

Listen, sometimes I wonder do you
Even care or realize why I took care of you
'Cuz you're my heart
You are my soul
You're my other half
Without you I cannot be whole, baby
So far apart
I just don't know
What drove us apart in the first place
Now I know baby
Why

These tears I cry sure won't be the last
They will not be the last… no
'Cuz this pain inside, never seems to pass
It never seems to pass me by

So I thank you
Said I thank you
Yes I thank you
For making me a woman

Sometimes I wonder could she be
More of a woman to you than you were a man to me
Listen, sometime I wonder… why me
I'm here miserable while you're out living your fantasies
And didn't care

'Cuz you're my heart
You are my soul
You're my other half
Without you I cannot be whole baby
So far apart
I just don't know
What drove us apart in the first place
Now I know baby
Why

These tears I cry sure won't be the last
They will not be the last… no
Cuz' this pain inside which never seems to pass
It never seems to pass me by

So I thank you
Said I thank you
Yes I thank you
For making me a woman

One thing I learned in life
We gotta be ready to sacrifice to survive
I hope she's happy
For the chapter that I'll be closing
Hope you're happy
'Cuz once my door close it won't reopen

These tears I cry sure won't be the last
They will not be the last… no
This pain inside which never seems to pass
It never seems to pass me by

So I thank you

Said I thank you

Yes I thank you

For making me a woman

XO, B

Severity

As I sit in my cubicle this Thursday morning on July 10^th, one word is stuck in mind; and that is, severity.

severity

se·ver·i·ty

  [suh-ver-i-tee]

noun, plural se·ver·i·ties.

1. Harshness, sternness, or rigor: Their lives were marked by severity.

2. Austere simplicity, as of style, manner, or taste: The severity of the decor was striking.

3. Intensity or sharpness, as of cold or pain.

4. Grievousness; hard or trying character or effect: The severity of his loss was finally becoming apparent.

5. Rigid exactness or accuracy.

We all look at certain things with high importance. Let me rephrase, there are things in life that we should look at with high importance. The definition reads, “Rigid exactness or accuracy”. That one description sticks out like a sore thumb.

Where there is severity, there are choices. Every choice made, whether it be big or small, has a specific significance to you. When the choice is made to put that “important” something to the side – that’s when you reap the outcome.

Being accurate about a choice is key. A decision, even. Stay focused on what means most. Losing sight of that is normal, but to an extent. Remember why this is so important to you.

Like I said, we SHOULD all look at things with high magnitude if it is on some sort of pedestal in your life.

But, that doesn’t mean we all do.

At the end of the day, after you made the choice to have your side instead of the main course, you’ll see the severity of that pick.

Choose wisely.

XO, B