Decisions

Every day we are faced with one thing, no matter what – a decision. It can be where you are eating for lunch, which gas station has the cheapest gas OR it can be a decision that is so critical that it is life changing.

Let’s go with: “life changing”

The first thing that comes to mind is, “are you running toward something instead of running from something?”

What I mean by that is – sometimes we are desperately looking for something different, without regard for whether it’s actually better for you or if it is even what you truly want.

Think about drawing a circle – you can’t complete it unless you have two connecting points. Without one end all you have is an ongoing line. The only direction you are headed is not there.

That is not good enough. How do you know it is good enough?

Well you don’t.

Sometimes it is a chance you have to be willing to take. This decision could either be the right one, or it could be the wrong one. There is nothing else to it.

We can make decisions based on uncertainty, doubt or curiosity. It could be a slue of things. But if either of those are your reasoning for a certain decision being made, don't you agree it is best to go with your gut feeling?

I am not necessarily saying this is a bad situation, just the fact that if those feelings are present put those into perspective.

Other times a decision can be so selfless. And that is where I lie...

If you know me or have been reading my blogs, I am one to put others before myself. In this case, I truly feel that is what I am doing. Never am I saying it is one-sided, but it was a decision made with hope of an outcome that is better.

An outcome I know is capable of happening.

And here's the "bad" about making a decision; it could be the wrong one. I may be wrong, but that comes along when coming to a fork in the road.

I'll leave with this: I have faith in this decision. Whether you agree or not, I know there is better down the road. Trust me, I've been on one of the bumpiest roads of life and I ended up to you.

What does that tell you?

XO, B

Fabulous!

Good morning World. How goes it?

My how some time has passed since I have been on here. I am going to jump right in!

Have you seen the movie ‘Knocked Up’? Don’t you dare say no. If you have not, please add that to your watch list.

Anyway, the reason I am mentioning this movie is because there is a part with Leslie Mann {Debbie in the movie,and OMG I am obsessed with her} where she is extremely excited and hyper due to over-consumption of RedBull. Well. That is how I feel right now. Minus the RedBull.

Watch here:

http://youtu.be/LrAkNjC68e8

What she said is exactly what I said to myself one day. I sat there and thought, you know what, “I’m going to create a new life and it is going to be fabulous!”

And I did just that.

Lord knows it was not easy to get here…

Last night I went back and read all of my old blog posts and thought to myself-wow, I was in a bad place. I even got teary-eyed thinking back to how hurt and down I was. I do not wish that feeling upon anyone. But that would mean life is fair!

The amount of times I heard it was going to get easier, time will heal all, you need to let it go, you need to move forward seemed IMPOSSIBLE.

Guess what?

It does get easier. Time has healed some wounds. I did let it go. And I have moved forward. {I just typed that with a smile on my face}

One thing I can tell you is, never forget that dark feeling you felt because one day you may be in that position again or you may encounter someone in that spot and ALWAYS remain humble when in that situation.

Nothing or no one has remorse for the ungrateful. What I mean by that is, you cannot continue mad at the world for where you are. You cannot keep a negative attitude because of how betrayed you feel.

You have to rise above the bad and the ugly. Once you do that, good will come your way. A positive mind is vital because what you think, you become.

Lastly, you have to forgive. Forgiving whether you truly want to or not, just do it. There is nothing worse than housing “hate” towards something or someone. Why waste the energy?

I say hate with quotation marks because that is a strong word I almost never use, but I say it because at one point that is what I felt. I won’t deny true feeling.

So yes, I have forgiven you. I have forgiven you for my own sake. My own reasons. Not because I am okay with it all, but because forgiveness is important and has to be done sometimes.

Or all the time.

At the end of the day, whether it be you, me or your best friend-we are all going to do what makes us happy. Because ultimately, that is what we all deserve.

Happiness.

Here comes the good part:

I found happiness in many things once on my own. And in many people. I met new friends and I even re-met old ones.

P was one of them.

It was on an infamous day we call, “Sunday Funday”. I saw him, not knowing if he had seen me yet. I turn to Shaunda and say, “I think I know him”. Mind you, I had not seen him in almost 9 years.

NINE years. Almost a decade. Cray.

And you know Shaunda, she bars none and went right up to him. What do you know?! It was who I thought it was.

We get to talking and the rest was history.

When I say I have never met anyone so:

• Selfless

• Intelligent

• Genuine

• Family-man

• Driven

• Honest

He lives up to every single one of those descriptions. Without a doubt in my mind.

It’s been over a year since he walked back into my life. Some of you knew and some may have not. But I chose to keep him in my business for many reasons that honestly, don’t need to be explained.

It worked out in my favor.

It has not been an easy journey. There may be more downs than ups, but that is the beauty of him. He chose to stand by me through this all. He was always there when I needed a shoulder to cry on. He gave countless words of encouragement. He has been nothing but amazing to me.

I thank God for bringing him back into my life. Not just because of all the good parts, but because he has become one of my best friends. I have genuine love for him. And this is one thing I never thought was possible.

So I guess you can say – I am giving love another chance.

XO, B

p.s. I cannot forget all the people who were there for me and helped me get here. I will never forget you. Ever. I thank you from the bottom of my heart.

Last Day of School

Hello all –

Happy summer I should say! I cannot believe we are in summer. Like, school is out! It’s over! {Well, not for me, I just started summer school yesterday!}

Which brings me to why this blog has taken me so long to write; I meant to let out all of my emotions, excitement and news the day Slade finished school, but we have been some busy bees!

First and foremost, congratulations to Slade Royce on graduating KINDERGARTEN!

       

Wow.

I am extremely proud of him and all his accomplishments throughout the school year. He has matured into such an independent little man. Not to mention he’s grown, and grown. And grown!

The last two days of school, I got the chance to spend with Slade. Wednesday was Water Day and then Thursday I went to take Mrs. Sharp her gift from us and hangout until the bell rang.

Y’all, when I say we were beyond blessed with SUCH and amazing teacher, I mean—we were beyond blessed with such an amazing teacher. I made sure to express every kind, appreciative word I could think of in the card I wrote out to her.

They finished the last 30 minutes of class watching ‘Finding Nemo’. I sat in Slade’s miniature chair, while he sat on my lap and just soaked it all in. My baby finished his first year of school! Oh my goodness!

Boy, was I fighting the waterworks.

It came time to dismiss class and Mrs. Sharp gave each student a high-five, hug or fist pump {yes, she’s cool like that}. Slade went for the hug, of course! As my eyes filled with tears, I tell her thank you and snap a photo of them, and we were off.

As we were walking out, I replayed the very first day of school in my head. I remember walking out of there with tears pouring out of my eyes and thinking I would never make it through the school year with all that was going on. Wondering how I'd survive something so new, alone.

But I did it. We both did. And that in itself, was such an amazing feeling...to where I can't even explain it. What I do know how to say is we definitely celebrated, struggled and grew. That's the beauty of it. Every single day was something new, but I made sure to let Slade know we were okay and that this life would be nothing less than great.

I will continue to instill this in his mind and my own. It's very important to grasp change with all your might. Whether it be a personal situation, a new school {like us}, new job, anything! It's all a learning process and always will be.

I'll leave with wishing you all a very safe, fun and memorable summer. I know our plate is full with "Fridates" {which I'll try to share more of on here}, basketball, soccer AND golf! Woohoo! I am beyond excited to see him play all 3.

Stay cool out there.

Oh yeah, I now have a First Grader! Yikes!

XO, B

Dream

Well hello there everyone! It has been a while. I have something spectacular to share with you all.

I paid a visit to my Grandma yesterday because she wasn’t having the best of days. Anyway, we get to talking and she hands me a paper that my Mom is supposed to make copies of. So of course I inquire what this paper is all about. She says to me, “you can read it if you’d like”.

So I do.

Lo and behold, it was one important piece of paper! My Grandma, let me say it again, MY GRANDMA is getting rewarded by Austin Community College for induction into the National Adult Education Honor Society {NAEHS}!

Her response after I low key flipped out, was, “I told them I don’t want them taking no pictures of me!”

If you know my Grandma, you know:

1. She doesn’t like photographs being taken of her

2. She doesn’t smile if you happen to snap a shot

Side note – little does she know, I’ll be there snapping away! Shhh, don’t tell. ;-)

Now you know I have to mention her age – she will be turning 81 on May 20^th. If that doesn’t make your world go round, I don’t know what else will.

My Grandma is taking classes to further her knowledge in today’s education. When my Grandma was younger school wasn’t of importance because she needed to work to help her family. This is her third year taking classes and she goes twice a week. What’s a better time than now?!

I cannot begin to explain how proud I am of her and how much motivation this gives me! This goes to show you can do anything you put your mind to. It’s never too late to reach your goals. No dream is too big! I think we lose sight of that often due to extra-curricular activities or heck, life even!

Sometimes we become full of excuses when what we truly want and hope for is in arms reach. It takes action, determination and hard work to get there. But that’s the thing; YOU HAVE TO DO IT.

This brings me to a few people I know who have taken that leap to achieve their dreams/goals and I’d like to send some admiration their way:

Pedro – you’ve longed to put your talents into something bigger and take it a step further; and you finally are! This is just the beginning of more challenges with even bigger rewards. I know you will do nothing less than the best where ever you may go. With that said, any business is LUCKY to have you.

Ke-era – you enlisted in the United States Army! This literally needs no explanation. What you’re doing is incredible and it takes a brave soul to accomplish. I salute you.

Steven – you tried once and were so close! But hey, people break their foot, it happens. No big deal {ha, glad we can relate}. Now you are getting a second chance to do what your heart is set on. And by the looks of the process so far, you’re almost there! All I ask is you let me slide… kidding!

Can we get an Amen for all these amazing individuals?! Makes you want to get up and GO, right?

I know I am.

This isn’t to say we all aren’t chasing our dreams or already doing what we love. I applaud those who are. The limits in life are only the ones we make.

 So never stop!

I’ll conclude with how honored I am to be named after such an amazing woman, my Grandma. Last but not least, holy bananas, GO GRANDMA!!

XO, B

Twenty Three

I feel like I've seen the number 23 for the past month. It's been staring at me, right in front of my face. This was a day I thought I'd celebrate forever, for the rest of my life. Yes, to that extent. But it didn't work out that way. That day is nothing but a memory—the good, great, bad and ugly.

Forever is never promised, just like tomorrow isn't. And I've learned that wholeheartedly. You can promise someone forever, no doubt, but if that isn't their vision, where do you find reason? To say you tried, yes. But when you give your all and it's not enough, then what? You pick up and keep going. Or do you just give up?

Do tell.

Forever and time are two significant words with two undeniable meanings. Time is something to be praised. It is said to be the precious, give it to the ones you love, it flies by.

But when you want forever, time isn't a factor.

Does that make sense? I try to make sense of it all. As in, is it possible to promise forever again? When will I see forever again? How much time does it take to let go?

As the months have passed, I thought time would have changed so much; and it has, but not what I imagined. A lot has stayed the same. Seasons have changed, we've gotten older, gas prices have dropped, but you see, all of that is expected. And to be honest, the way things are at this very moment is what I expected.

That takes me to the saying, "time heals all" — I almost beg to differ, but maybe I am that close to reaching my time of healing. I can only hope.

With that said, time and forever are not everlasting. So use it wisely.

All the tears, forced smiles, laughs, breakdowns, progress have lead up to this day that I dread. I do still feel shattered, but for my own reasons. 

Deep down inside, I know what it is. I will continue forward on my new path, just as I did two months ago. Just as I was doing yesterday.

I guess it's true, it would have been nine...

XO, B

Happy New Year!

As the year came to an end – I was full of immense amount of relief, sadness, and eagerness {is that even a word}. It was by far one of the toughest years I’ve faced in a very long time. And to finally see the last day, was a lot to process.

I say relief in a sense that I get to “start over”. January 1^st is a clean slate, a brand new YEAR. This is the time we all make our outlandish resolutions and wish for a lavish year, right?

So cliché of us, but we do it -

I am nothing but thankful for all that has happened, all that I endured. I’m sure you’re wondering, “why on earth would you be thankful for that!?”

Thankful because even after everything that has gone on, I get another chance. I’ve been living my new chance. We all get second, third and fourth chances. Embrace that! I am a firm believer in giving more than one chance.

Why not?

I thank God for all of the moments he has given me that are now memories.

But memories have become something I fear. I fear them because what comes after that? Nothing? You may even forget. Not just me, anyone, everyone. Forget what once was. That is my fear, to forget.

I fear you will forget too.

As the clock got closer to midnight, I thought to myself, how am I going to feel? How is the clock hitting midnight really going to make me feel?

It was like a buzzer went off at a basketball game, and what do you know… I felt absolutely no different. To be honest, my heart still felt so broken that there wasn’t any desire or room for celebration.

Don’t get me wrong, I am extremely ready and willing to take on a whole new year. I realized, I am always going to be working on me. I will always be trying to heal a wound that was so deep.

Just with each time, with a little more effort. With a little more strength. And you know what, this is okay. Why rush to be OK!?

I truly am in a happy place. It was quite the journey to get here, but I have found it, you guys!! Woo-freakin-hoo, right?! Can I get an Amen?! Ha, but really. I AM GOOD. I’m focused on my goals and complete happiness.

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Enough with all the hoopla – Slade and I ended the year oh so greatly. Greatly as in two weeks off from homework and work, greatly! And we began it even better.

I thank you ALL from the bottom of my heart for being there for me when I needed you most. I send you all virtual hugs!

I wish you and your families a blessed year full of love and laughter. Enjoy every moment you are given. Even if it’s a trip to the park. Smile ear to ear. Even if you are sad. Cry if you need to. Even if it’s not your birthday. Compliment a stranger. They appreciate it. Drink more water. For you thirsty asses {it’s a joke}. Dance even more. Travel to a place you’ve been longing to go to. Even if it’s Padre. Do MORE!

And Love. Just Love.

Cheers to 2015, treat us good!

XO, B