I feel like I've seen the number 23 for the past month. It's been staring at me, right in front of my face. This was a day I thought I'd celebrate forever, for the rest of my life. Yes, to that extent. But it didn't work out that way. That day is nothing but a memory—the good, great, bad and ugly.
Forever is never promised, just like tomorrow isn't. And I've learned that wholeheartedly. You can promise someone forever, no doubt, but if that isn't their vision, where do you find reason? To say you tried, yes. But when you give your all and it's not enough, then what? You pick up and keep going. Or do you just give up?
Do tell.
Forever and time are two significant words with two undeniable meanings. Time is something to be praised. It is said to be the precious, give it to the ones you love, it flies by.
But when you want forever, time isn't a factor.
Does that make sense? I try to make sense of it all. As in, is it possible to promise forever again? When will I see forever again? How much time does it take to let go?
As the months have passed, I thought time would have changed so much; and it has, but not what I imagined. A lot has stayed the same. Seasons have changed, we've gotten older, gas prices have dropped, but you see, all of that is expected. And to be honest, the way things are at this very moment is what I expected.
That takes me to the saying, "time heals all" — I almost beg to differ, but maybe I am that close to reaching my time of healing. I can only hope.
With that said, time and forever are not everlasting. So use it wisely.
All the tears, forced smiles, laughs, breakdowns, progress have lead up to this day that I dread. I do still feel shattered, but for my own reasons.
Deep down inside, I know what it is. I will continue forward on my new path, just as I did two months ago. Just as I was doing yesterday.
I guess it's true, it would have been nine...
XO, B
