As the year came to an end – I was full of immense amount of
relief, sadness, and eagerness {is that even a word}. It was by far one of the
toughest years I’ve faced in a very long time. And to finally see the last day,
was a lot to process.
I say relief in a sense that I get to “start over”. January 1st
is a clean slate, a brand new YEAR. This is the time we all make our outlandish
resolutions and wish for a lavish year, right?
So cliché of us, but we do it -
I am nothing but thankful for all that has happened, all that I
endured. I’m sure you’re wondering, “why
on earth would you be thankful for that!?”
Thankful because even after everything that has gone on, I get
another chance. I’ve been living my new chance. We all get second, third and
fourth chances. Embrace that! I am a firm believer in giving more than one
chance.
Why not?
I thank God for all of the moments he has given me that are now
memories.
But memories have become something I fear. I fear them because
what comes after that? Nothing? You may even forget. Not just me, anyone,
everyone. Forget what once was. That is my fear, to forget.
I fear you will forget too.
As the clock got closer to midnight, I thought to myself, how am
I going to feel? How is the clock hitting midnight really going to make me feel?
It was like a buzzer went off at a basketball game, and what do
you know… I felt absolutely no different. To be honest, my heart still felt so
broken that there wasn’t any desire or room for celebration.
Don’t get me wrong, I am extremely ready and willing to take on
a whole new year. I realized, I am always going to be working on me. I will
always be trying to heal a wound that was so deep.
Just with each time, with a little more effort. With a little
more strength. And you know what, this is okay. Why rush to be OK!?
I truly am in a happy place. It was quite the journey to get
here, but I have found it, you guys!! Woo-freakin-hoo, right?! Can I get an
Amen?! Ha, but really. I AM GOOD. I’m focused on my goals and complete
happiness.
------------------
Enough with all the hoopla – Slade and I ended the year oh so
greatly. Greatly as in two weeks off from homework and work, greatly! And we
began it even better.
I thank you ALL from the bottom of my heart for being there for
me when I needed you most. I send you all virtual hugs!
I wish you and your families a blessed year full of love and
laughter. Enjoy every moment you are given. Even if it’s a trip to the park. Smile
ear to ear. Even if you are sad. Cry if you need to. Even if it’s not your
birthday. Compliment a stranger. They appreciate it. Drink more water. For you
thirsty asses {it’s a joke}. Dance even more. Travel to a place you’ve been
longing to go to. Even if it’s Padre. Do MORE!
And Love. Just Love.
Cheers to 2015, treat us good!
XO, B
